Bro. dun ask me how's life. cos i dunno. Jiu had been feeling low for a while le. like a few days? No apparent reason. Just one of those days when you might need a little time on your own to think. Or to slack. Or a little attention from everyone around. Or just so tired you wanna knock yourself out. This kinda feeling not everyone can understand bahs. You can.

Been thinking about shit. About like those worse things in the world. Or whatever. Until I had nightmares again. It happens all the times. And nightmares are getting worse and invading even days. lol. Just can't stop my negative thinking and non-stop worrying one. But too I don't believe in being happy so I've been thinking too much about what could had been done, and worrying about what should be done how. At the same time feeling eternal emptiness in feeling nothing. Just complicated feelings that diseased me and I don't wanna mess with. Look away but doesn't cures. Just shit lo.

But life's itself hadn't been so terrible cos I have beautiful people around me. God knows I had had a lot of those suicidal times. But had been so much better. And God knows too that my negative thinking became much better le. Cos of dear's influence as well. So let's see what I'd done these few days. Work was shit. But always hang on and it will get better? lol. Yesterday I almost died working. Was my first time handling the PDA to take orders. and my first time in the terrace. and I was all alone in the terrace where there should be like 3-4 staffs. So it was immediate training and level up. Never bring enough potions jiu die there straight will tp back to base. lol. The other day met up with Minjie Kokwei and Andy. And then Kokwei keep asking us when we wanna get married. then he say he count le. After Jc, Ns, Uni, Nie. Come out start work already 28 le. Then he say count count he can only get married at 32-35. then Andy say he maybe not gonna get married le bahs. Then girl most easy. Say see how lo. Try to make it before 30. For guys so different sia. fuck.

And being enlisted with such short notice I also very shocked. and scared le. Jiu really dunno what to do bahs. Things to fear, to worry, to consider etc etc etc. Fan zheng jiu all these make me low low low low~ but jiu alot people to care for me bahs. Leo ray sky xiu all that jiu msg me all that. Zx and issac called me when I was still in bed to joke to me and shout fuck you to the world for me all that then ask me enlisted le dun sad. Vaddy finally xiang tong le. to take it easy and be happy a bit. somehow I should just do the same bahs. to not worry so much and take life as it is. then kel say she can be my listening ear. then ask me bout rs bout work bout savings all that. jiu a lot care around bahs. thanks le. but im not sure if they really helps bahs. out there there's only one person who could save me. :p

50 marks a lot eh. Really need write essay??? Fan zheng now What I wanna Do is to meet up with a lot of my friends. To enjoy life and not to worry about this and that. And learn to be happy. although I really hate to make happiness priority. And play my guitar. And go train for PTP. And most importantly I want my dear to be happy everyday bahs. :)

Just now work until 12+ then came home jiu played game with ken they all. won le. then i went bath. then come do this. now 4am le. later 10am need wake up. then work 1230 to 930. I should be worrying for not enough sleep bahs. But i dun care le. I happy can le bahs. I feel like blogging jiu blog. Lol. The world mess with me again jiu fuck the world again only lo. (Y).

I go do my prayer first. nights world.

人群走了灯光不再场地凌乱
太多情绪咸得像汗想停很难
讽刺怀疑总是很酸一路纠缠
冷眼冷语不看不管心却敏感


路灯擦亮午夜车窗
像泪光闪闪
想要跟谁温暖地交谈
却只有 我和孤单
早上匆匆忙忙出门时
好在有灯忘了关
像谁坚持等了整夜
要给我陪伴

我在拼 什么
在意什么最多
为了什么又累又寂寞
不怕别人误会了
就怕最在乎的人 也不想懂

有些时候我会做梦
盼望 回过头你在身后
温柔看我 没有不快乐
没有逼我做抉择
懂我拼什么
懂我最宝贝你了
<3

learn to breath. and embrace the stance once more.

Whee. returned from Msia trip with Dear and her friends. Left Sg on thursday morning. Reached KL in the evening le. Met Kailing and Liyen. We went eat steamboat buffet at Shabu-One. Then went shopping around. After that had supper as well. Bought lots of bread and milo. Went Kailing's hostel as well. So scary. Checked in to Smile hotel at night.
2nd day morning we woke up and went to Gombak to take bus to Genting. But the bus already left so quickly. zzz. Had to wait for the next bus 90 minutes later. Took the bus up and took cablecar. Then played almost whole day at the themepark there le. :) At night Kailing brought us to Feeling Cafe for dinner. Like the place. Nice. And I like their menu too. hees.
3rd day was extended trip. Woke up late and went meet a lot people le. But I still remember their names. Kailing Shiyi Liyen Cairong Liying Dickwei Kenny Xinhong and Geeting. LOL bluff one. I wrote down de. so many names lols. Ate together and watched Laddaland together. The movie I dun dare watch sia. But think like not scary de actually. Quite lame show. After that had simple supper together le.
Thats all for the trip. Sunday morning ate banmian with kailing and Dear. After that me and Dear took bus all that came home le. :) <3

Had been a goddamn long time since I ever blogged le. Think only so few of you still reading this le. Life haven been any better when everyone's trying to grow up. Nonetheless me trying too hard as well. Making the ship harder on purpose doesn't helps much as well. Dunno how much of difference already but I'm still me bahs. but growing up I see myself going back to the likes of old emo days. haas.

School had ended but I still always outcast myself from the class. Never attended graduation shows, graduation ceremonies and outings etc. Had to work but now working at somewhere poing introduced me into. Isn't a good experience at all. In fact we all hate it that much. But for monetary interests and purposely putting myself through it is going to make me mature that little bit? As superficial as it is. Just now also jiamin asked me if I wanna go work for her as kappa part time anyway I did it before. Or for bradfort etc. But they doesn't pay as well bahs. I need a job that gives me more working hours, more pay, and more time to go out. Hais this kinda life sucks. Just like Kel says we needa go through harder ships, and after working hard le then can go have fun and enjoy life. Easily said.

Growing up is really the toughest part.